Antics and Ramblings of Kat

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Just keep swimming...

It's strange how you can balance your emotions, and suppress them in certain circumstances... It would be easy right now to let myself slide into depression and refuse to smile about anything. And you know, inside I'm still broken... but there's nothing like a bit of old fashioned escapism to help you gain some relief from your feelings.

I haven't been on the receiving end of much good news lately. On top of my ongoing housing problem, Stephen's been having problems with his job... and to cap it all, my grandma - who's been ill for quite sometime - has been diagnosed with untreatable cancer. My stress levels are rising, and with exams on the horizon, that's no good thing.

I spent most of my afternoon with my good friend Miri, and it's funny... I was sure I was going to tell her everything about how I was feeling - but I didn't. It felt better to escape for a while, to talk about other things and other people. My form of escapism. And it's not that I didn't want to confide in her, or tell her what was going on... but by just being someone to chat with about anything and everything, that was what I needed more than dwelling on my problems at the moment.

When I was walking to campus this afternoon, I couldn't help but think how beautiful it was to see blossom on the trees and feel the warmth of the breeze. There's another reason not to wallow into depression... despite my circumstances and of those around me, on Thursday 27th April, this isn't all there is. There's more than this, there's so much more than me. God is working, in ways that at the moment I really don't understand... I'm struggling to see how things will work out, and where things will lead. But that's not really for me to know. Not just yet. God is ultimately faithful, and although at times lately I've felt like my prayers have been bouncing off the ceiling and that I've been all alone.... I know in my heart of hearts that that just isn't true.

Yes, it's a struggle. And no, I don't know what will happen next. But I do know that I have hope. Eternal hope. And that's what's going to keep me going, no matter what. This is one of those times when I find running the race tough, but God is using me and my circumstances to refine me, and make me more like Him.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Another ditch in the road, keep moving...

It's been a while, and plenty has happened... It's hard to believe that five weeks could pass by so quickly!

It's been good to have a bit of a break from blogging, but it also means that there are a few things to fill you in on!

Word Alive in not-so-sunny Skeggy was a great week of teaching, fellowship, making new friends and getting to know 'old' ones better. I won't try to write up all my notes (see Bish for the main lowdown!) But here are a couple of pictures for your visual pleasure :)

Now I'm back in Reading, which has its upsides and downsides. Downsides include the almost constant banging noise created by the building site across the road... which, of course, is just what you want when you're trying to revise. Being back here also brings my accommodation situation back into sharp focus... I'm running out of options, but I'm still trying to remain positive about the whole thing. There must be something right for me somewhere... it's just a case of trying to find it. And not going completely nuts in the meantime. But it's not all doom and gloom... it is nice to be back and see my friends again. Especially ones who give you unexpected hugs or try to carry you off down the road!