Small Potatoes

"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever."

2 Corinthians 4: 17-18 (The Message)

Things have been quiet on the blog front lately, but not in life in general. Much has happened so far this term that has meant that I've been feeling more stressed than I would have liked to have been (dead laptop--dissertation deadline--housemate issues)... and instead of doing the right thing, and relying on God, I took the more difficult, more painful, route of relying on my own strength. How foolish.

So, in CU last Thursday God took the opportunity to knock some sense into me. Again. There are too many times when I let my nature control me, rather than let God control me. It seems such a logical lesson, but one I seem to fall down upon all too often... somehow I would rather rely upon my own limited knowledge than on the Creator of all. Hmm.

My focus should not be on the things of now, the things that are troubling me, because those things will fade away into insignificance, despite how significant and troubling they seem now. A challenge, to look up and not inwardly, or downwards --- but a glorious one indeed.

Off to Ledbury we go...

... for 2006 RUCU Houseparty! Most exciting. A good chance for teaching, worship, fellowship and fun. And for me, a well-needed break from work and the familiarity of everyday routine.

I'm excited!

Been a long time...

I was talking to Lou the other day about how we don't seem to have the time to blog anymore. Don't have the energy to conjure up thoughts to commit onto the virtual page. The third year has been a bigger step up than I expected, and as I stand on the brink of the mid-point of term I'm wondering partly where the time has gone, and why I haven't made better use of it. In so many ways.

Work? Well, let's just say I could be doing more of it. This term will probably be my heaviest workload wise (3 modules and my dissertation) so there's nothing else for it but to just do it! I've been reminded lately by a couple of friends that work can most definitely be worship too... so I'm attempting to reform my attitude in those moments when I really, really would rather be doing anything else. I think Colossians 3:23-24 sums it up better than I can say it.

God? As is all too common for me, I keep on trying to do things in my own strength... and you would think I would learn, no? God's teaching me some lessons though... and tough as it is, and busy as I feel, God is supreme. I just need to learn to surrender control... and every day, many, many times a day - and as someone who loves to be organised, to be in control, this is challenging. Praise be that we have such a patient and gracious God!

I'm quite excited about reading Galatians this week. The preacher in church this morning was talking about the struggle we have between the law and grace... and really encouraged us to go away and spend a little time reading the whole of Galatians, getting engaged in Paul's argument and seeing the bigger picture of that book. I wish I could remember more of what the guy said... but I came away excited about reading Galatians. And seeing that I've been struggling with motivation in making time to read the Bible lately, God's definitely got his hand in this!

So here's to surrendering some control... and making time for God -- because I'm learning (again!) that without relying on him, life becomes so much more needlessly difficult.

Blogging Hiatus

Well, I'm back in Reading and currently internet-less at home... which gives me less time for such frivolous things as blogging, as I always feel a bit guilty for doing non-academic stuff on campus computers!

But fear not, I should be fully back in action by the end of this month, NTL installation-man permitting!

In the meantime... it should be good to have an enforced break. Hopefully I'll conjure up some meaningful things to say by the time I'm back in action... we shall see.

Happy 21st Birthday.... Janet?!

Well, I'm finally a proper adult. Yesterday was my 21st birthday. This is what I look like as a 21 year old:

As you can see, I'm now oh-so-mature and responsible, naturally!

Here's some candle-blowing action:

Highlight of my day was a late evening visit from two of my lovely friends, Ross and Marc, who delivered me a hand-decorated birthday cake (my third one this year!) - unique, I'm sure you'll agree:

Apparently they managed to eat any letters that made up my name in the process... hence wishing happy birthday to 'Janet'. That, plus the beautiful self-portraits and the way in which it was delivered... resulted in tears of laughter from both me and Ross. Goodness knows what the neighbours thought the commotion was! I also received a Large Shiny Box of Fun, and later the boys left a helium balloon on my doorstep.

What a perfect way to cap a special day... that was unforgettable to be sure!

Forum vs Starbucks

I was supposed to be at Forum this week. Instead, I'm at home, mostly working because I couldn't afford to be there. I'm sad about that because I'm missing out on seeing friends from Reading who I haven't seen all summer... and missing out on lots of fabulous teaching. Not missing the thought of a week in a tent though! I'm just not really an outdoor-sy person.

But even though I've 'only' been at work, kingdom work is being done. Which is exciting. There are a few Christians in my store, which is cool - and even cooler was the shift a few weeks ago when we realised that there were more Christians than non-Christians there! Anyway, in the last week or so there have been one or two conversations with people talking about Christianity. And a few of the guys have promised to go to a Youth Alpha launch supper that's happening at the end of the month. All pretty exciting really! A lot of the guys that have been asking questions are pretty young, and without a lot of direction to their lives. The fact that they're asking big questions of us is exciting, and challenging at the same time. It encourages me though that although I've 'missed out' on being at Forum, God is using me right where I am. And that's something I all too often forget... I need to remind myself of that so much more often, and be open to be being used in this way!

Mission Bell

Isn't it strange how something familiar can sometimes suddenly hit you with something you needed to know?

I've been like that with Delirious' album, The Mission Bell just lately. I loved this album from the moment I heard it - but when I was listening to it earlier today, the lyrics just leapt out of the song and smacked my inbetween the eyes.

I've been finding my walk with God more difficult lately than I have done in a few years... that's down to a few reasons, but mainly due to the death of my grandma a couple of months ago and also the unrest that's occurring at my home church in MK. I'd lost the passion, the urgency, the desire I had before - instead I was struggling on a bit, a little half-heartedly... And it was only just now, really listening to those lyrics and with God speaking through them that I've truly realised this. God asking me whether I can honestly sing the words and mean them. I'd managed to deceive myself that everything was ok really, and no, it actually wasn't. I have some work to do... but thankfully I don't have to do that alone - praise God!

Here I am send me

Show me a vision like Isaiah saw

Where the angel touched his lips

And he sinned no more

Let me hear the your voice saying

"Whom shall I send?"

I'll say send me Lord

I'll follow you to the end

Show me a vision like Ezekiel saw

An army of light

From a valley of bones

Breathe life into these lungs of mine

So I can scream and shout

Of your love divine

Search light burns bright

Floods my eyes

Invade me serenade me

I'm giving back my life

Here I am send me

Here I am send me

There's nothing in my hands

But here I am send me

I'm in Jacob's dream seeing heaven's gate

Let me climb all night

On my ladder of faith

Wrestle with the angel

Till my body is weak

Dislocate my bones

For it's you that I seek

Show me the light Paul apostle saw

When he fell to the dust

And he could see no more

Open my eyes, open my eyes

Open my eyes, open my eyes

I'm frightened what you'll find

When you open up my heart

I'm walking in the light

'Cos it's light that changes the atmosphere

So touch these lips that criticise

And put a song in my mouth

That opens our eyes

It's time for some change. And some action.